


Girl Meets "Normal"

by Chai_Ramirez



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 04:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12148929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chai_Ramirez/pseuds/Chai_Ramirez
Summary: Maya and Riley's big secret has been making each one of them drift apart from the other. When all is revealed, will it bring them closer together or apart?





	Girl Meets "Normal"

Missy Bradford. That is how Riley Matthews thought everything started. She had a right to think that. Missy bullied her constantly for a long time. Thankfully, Riley had many close friends. In fact, Riley had a best friend. Maya Hart. Those were the only words that could actually describe Maya. Her name was the only thing that could define her and others knew not to tell her otherwise. Maya was all over the place. One minute she was making fun of Lucas and the next moment, she was in a downward spiral. Nobody could stop that. Sometimes, not even Riley could help Maya. There were times Maya couldn’t help Riley either. Farkle always said to be honest about everything or someone would get hurt. You have to be honest with yourself as well. That was one lesson that Mr. Matthews couldn’t teach these kids to do.   
Missy bullied Riley. Riley never knew why. Was she too happy? Was she weird? Was she goofy? Was she stupid? Even though Missy was a bully and this is what bullies do, Riley was starting to believe her comments more and more. The bullying stopped when her friend Maya found out. There was one horrible night when Riley was laying in her bed, Maya was by her side. Riley could not fall asleep. She never slept well ever since the bullying got really bad. Even with the bullying over, the memories stayed with her. Riley looked up at her ceiling and made a shocking but true realization. If Maya and her other incredible friends hadn’t found out about the bullying, Riley would certainly be dead right now. She looked over at Maya. She looked so peaceful but even Riley could see that her mind was a storm. Even when Maya was sleeping, she had problems of her own. Riley and Maya seemed like complete opposites from the view of a bystander. They knew they were the best of friends and no words could explain their friendship. They were just Riley and Maya. Not even the two girls knew how much they had in common. They both had secrets that they were hiding. Boys, school, and drama were one thing, but these secrets were the type that you can’t even tell the people closest to you. There was always a certain type of awkwardness between the teens, and both girls knew there was something the other one wanted to say. They were hoping they could talk to each other soon, but both girls were living by Maya Hart’s words. “Don’t hope, don’t get hurt”.  
Maya was never bullied. That was obviously a good thing, but even more so for Maya considering some of the other things that had happened in her life. After seeing what her “sister” Riley went through, she, like Riley, knew that if the bullying happened any longer or Missy started coming after Maya, she would not be alive either. Maya looked and acted tough to everyone. The short stack of pancakes acted confident when she could, but her friends saw right through her. Maya was broken. Her dad was an incredible man, he just made bad decisions. Her mom was an awesome person, but she just wasn’t there as much as she needed to be. The Matthews family helped Maya as much as they could. Riley was the best thing that ever happened to Maya. Maya thought she was annoying. She didn’t want to bother the Matthews any more. They already did too much for her. They cared, but Maya thought they cared too much sometimes. They definitely payed to much attention to her to let Maya’s serious problem go unnoticed. Riley didn’t know. Farkle didn’t know. He was smart, but he wasn’t that smart. Smackle was as smart as Farkle, maybe even smarter. Maya was too clever to let Smackle find out. She was new to their friend group, but she was a great addition to the group. Lucas almost found out. Actually, Maya knew he probably did know.  
It was art class. Maya was always careful to keep her arm down low at the right angle so her shirt wouldn’t slide up her arm. She doesn’t exactly remember what happened because it was so crazy in the moment when it did happen. She might have accidentally pulled her sleeve up without realizing it because she was so into her art. No, Maya would never let her secret get out that easily and carelessly. Maybe she turned her canvas sideways to get the perfect brushstroke, but regardless of what happened, Lucas saw. Thank god they were healed. Her problems were far from being healed, but she had been doing pretty well lately. Lucas turned his head at the wrong time. He looked over and caught a glance of Maya’s wounded arm. Maya looked so relaxed and calm. As soon as she saw where Lucas’s eyes were directed, her mood turned to shock, anxiety, and the familiar feeling of panic. Maya tried to be calm. She had a lot of experience with panic attacks. She set down her brush and quietly exited her favorite room in the whole school. Maya grabbed her bag and ran into the washroom closest to the art room. She stood in the second closest stall to the far wall of the bathroom. She set her head on her arm and leaned against the stall wall. She tried to slow her fast breathing, her racing heartbeat, and her mind, which was screaming violently with silence; searching for an answer to her problems with no success. She reached into her bag. She pulled out mascara, a few dollar bills, the locket that her mother bought her, and finally the item she was looking for. Anxiety medication. This was what she took when she had a panic attack. It helped, but Maya didn’t like to have to rely on anything; even if her medications were the only thing keeping her alive and somewhat together.  
Riley looked up and noticed Maya had left. She was too busy perfecting her 58th purple cat painting to notice that she had been gone for the last few minutes. She scanned the classroom. No Maya. Riley didn’t know what she was going to see or where she was going to find Maya. She knew it wasn’t going to be good if Maya left during art class.  
Riley wandered the halls. She walked towards their lockers and saw that Maya’s was open. Maya didn’t lock her locker back up after she grabbed her bag in a rush. Riley scanned her brain and finally remembered what happened the last time Maya wasn’t “Maya”. The bathroom. Riley bolted down the hall to the closest one.   
“Maya? Are you in here? Are you okay? Talk to me. You are safe.” Riley said quietly, sounding more panicked and scared than Maya was at the time. Maya was able to calm down a bit. She had been in there for about ten minutes.  
“Riley?” Maya said, starting to slightly shake again.  
“Peaches. Where are you?”  
“I…I’m here…in the stall…” Maya said. She was starting to feel another intense wave of the panic attack starting again. Maya shakily stood up, feeling dizzy. She slowly and cautiously unlocked the bathroom stall door.  
“Oh, Peaches…” Riley said sounding confused and concerned.   
“H-h-hi Riles…” Maya said. She was shaking very badly and had to sit down again.   
“Maya, what happened? I should have noticed sooner. I was focused on painting. I didn’t know you left. Sorry. I came as soon as I coul-” Maya cut her off.  
“I…um…h-have something to t-t-tell you…” Maya trailed off anxiously.  
“Peaches, you look really pale. I’ll go get you my water bottle. Will you be okay alone here for a bit?”  
“Y-ya…I-I think so…” Maya said. Here brain was torn in two; half of it was saying it was going to be fine. The other half, not so much. Riley took off to find her water bottle. The girl’s lockers were pretty close to each other. It didn’t take long to get there and back, but a few minutes can change a lot of things for Maya Hart. Maya sat on the toilet. She didn’t know what she had just gotten herself into. She lifted up her sleeve and started to trace her scars with her finger. Maya reached into her bag and found the other item she was looking for. A small pair of scissors, usually used for trimming eyebrow hair. Maya used this for another purpose quite often. She took her finger away and started to trace her former problems with the scissors instead. She pressed harder, increasing the pressure slowly. She kept pressing until it wasn’t tracing anymore.   
Riley ran down the hallway, water bottle in hand. A metal clip used to connect the bottle to a back pack was bouncing against the bottle with every step. The metals clanged together almost like a timer or a warning bell for Maya.  
Maya rolled down her sleeve. She had done what she thought she had to. She swished the scissors around in the toilet bowl, staining the water slightly red. She threw the weapon back in her bag and waited for Riley to return. Riley opened the door to the washroom and the familiar squeak was emitted from the hinges of the door.   
“Peaches, the water might be a little warm because it was in my locker for the morning, but I think it will b-” Riley stopped and stared at Maya like she was a stranger.  
“Maya, your arm! Please tell me that is just paint from art class.” Maya looked down slowly, already knowing what she was going to see. The blood had leaked through the sleeve of her shirt. Riley knelt on the floor beside Maya with hopeful and scared eyes. Maya couldn’t bear to answer her friend and look her in those beautiful eyes while saying it.   
“I-I’m s-sorry Riles. I sh-sh-should have told you. I-I should h-have told s-someone.” Maya finally worked up the courage to look into Riley’s watery eyes. As she did, Maya saw the reflection of her own tears running down her face in Riley’s ocean-like vision.  
“Maya, it’s okay. At least I know now. First of all, let’s get you cleaned up. Second, you are coming home with me and sleeping over. Tell me everything. I’ll listen. We have the bay window for a reason.” Riley said sounding more stern and confident after getting over the shock of Maya’s secret.  
“R-R-Riley, I love you more than everything. I love you more than myself. You won’t understand though. Even if I explain, you won’t understand. N-nobody understands…” Maya said. She didn’t want this to end their friendship.   
“Maya, I understand you. I get it. Nothing you say will scare me away. I will be with you forever.” Riley said. She started to shake a bit herself. Riley was almost getting angry that Maya wasn’t listening to her. Riley wanted to help. She knew Maya meant good, but she didn’t know how to react.  
“Riles, I’m okay… I’m fine… I’m always “fine”. I can’t talk to anyone. I’m annoying. I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Maya honestly just wanted everything to be over. The end of the day was getting closer and Maya knew she wasn’t going to get away with getting home alone. If she tried, a few more people might know her secret than she would like to happen.   
“Maya. I’m not leaving you here. I know you are not “okay” or “fine”. I am your friend and that is not changing. Please listen to me. Please Maya!” Suddenly, Riley threw her arms up in the air with frustration and let them slap against her thighs. Maya saw Riley’s face contort into an expression of pain for a few seconds. Riley just exposed her secret as well.   
“Riles, are you okay? That looked like it hurt.” Maya expressed her concern. She was thankful that the subject had changed to Riley instead of her. She was looking for a way out. This seemed like a good escape opportunity.  
“I’m fine. All good Peaches…” Riley was still clearly shaken by the force of her hands hitting her legs. She didn’t hit them that hard and Maya found it very odd. She knew something was up with Riley.  
“Riley, I’m not good in school, but I’m not stupid either. You’re hiding something from me. I told you a secret. We are practically sisters. Tell me yours.”  
“I-I’m not hiding a-anything Peaches.” Riley stuttered.  
“Riley, tell me. I will come home with you and stay over if that makes you happy. Just tell me what’s wrong. I deserve to know.” Maya didn’t think a secret from Riley would be that big of a deal. It’s Riley! Riley Matthews from Rileytown! What could be wrong?  
“Peaches, please don’t freak out…” Riley slowly started to pull down her ripped jeans. Maya stared and couldn’t help it when she saw what she least was expecting. Riley’s legs were covered with scars. There were so many battles that were fought silently by her. Maya was angry at herself for not being there when Riley needed her most. There were very fresh ones that curved around the side of her thighs. That is what hurt when Riley threw her arms in the air.  
“Oh my g-god Riles… What h-happene- Wait! Missy…?” Maya suddenly realized mid-sentence.  
“Y-ya…” Riley said quietly sounding as disappointed and humiliated as she did when she first told Maya about the bullying.  
“I-I don’t know what to say other than I’m c-coming home with y-you t-t-tonight.” Maya said taking all of this extremely shocking information in at once.  
“Peaches, we’re a mess.”  
“Riles. I know.”  
“W-what do w-w-we do n-now?” Almost instinctively, both girls raised their hands and everything seemed perfect for just a few seconds.  
“Thunder!”  
“Lightning!” 

Maya and Riley walked to Riley’s apartment after school. Their walk was almost silent the whole way there. They couldn’t wait to talk in their favorite place, the bay window.   
“Riles, we have to tell someone. You know we have to.” Maya said as they walked in the door.  
“Maya, I know we have to, but I can’t bring myself to tell my parents. They’re Cory and Topanga. How am I supposed to tell them after convincing everyone I was “okay”?”  
“What if I told them?” Maya proposed. “They would listen to me. We could get help for you. I’m too poor to get any help. You deserve to feel normal.”  
“You are my best friend Maya. Do what you think is best. I’m scared. Half my brain wants you to say something, but the other half is screaming not to.” Riley said this and Maya knew exactly what it was like to have your mind split in two, remembering the moment in the bathroom earlier.  
“I am going to tell them then. I care too much about you to not tell them. We should tell our friends as well. They understand. If they are real friends, they will listen. Farkle says we have to be honest. I don’t want to know what will happen if we aren’t.” Maya said. “Riley, you should go in your room. When your parents come home, I will tell them. Your dad will be home from the school soon.”  
“Okay. I love you so much Maya.”  
“Riles, I love you too.” Riley walked towards her bedroom and the front door opened. It was Mr. Matthews. It was time to fix this, or at least half of it.  
“Hi Maya! Where’s Riley?” Mr. Matthews said friendly but confused.  
“Actually, that’s what I have to talk to you about.” Maya replied wearily. Topanga had just walked in the door. Maya was very thankful that Auggie wasn’t there. He was at Ava’s apartment. At least that would make this less complicated.  
“Mr. and Mrs. Matthews, I have s-something to t-tell you. It’s about R-Riley. I’m scared.” Maya, Cory, and Topanga sat down on the couch. Maya sat in the middle and Topanga instinctively put her arm around Maya, trying to comfort her.  
“Okay. Maya, we’re listening.” Cory said.

It was about an hour later and Cory, Topanga, Maya, Riley, and even Maya’s mother were all in Riley’s room. Maya and Riley sat in the bay window holding hands.   
“We should have noticed sooner.” Topanga said in disbelief.  
“I had no idea Riley. I knew Missy was a bad person, but I didn’t think it got that bad.” Cory said.  
“I’m just happy that you told Maya. Thank you Riley. It was for the best.” Maya’s mother said. She didn’t know that her own daughter had been self-harming as well. The girls looked at each other. They didn’t know if they should tell everyone about Maya’s issues right now. It seemed like too much to take in. Maybe another time. Maya knew that she wasn’t going to get help. She was too poor to afford therapy. She had a few half-full bottles of various anxiety medications that they were able to afford when Maya’s dad left and she went through a rough time. Maya’s mother knew that she had a bad time a while ago, but that was when Maya was quite young. Nobody knew she wasn’t okay. Only Riley knew what was really going on. Even if Maya did tell them about her problems, they wouldn’t be able to afford therapy. The Matthews would probably try to pay for it for Maya, but Maya could never let them do that for her. It was just too much. Topanga picked up on the girl’s strange look they shot each other.  
“Why do you two look so suspicious?”  
“Oh… nothing Mrs. Matthews. Just a lot going on today. I’m glad I have this one.” Maya said as she clung onto Riley’s arm. She was hanging onto Riley trying to convince Cory and Topanga that everything was okay. Maya was also being smart enough to cover where her scars were by hiding her arm behind Riley’s.  
“Okay, I think the best thing to do now is to put you in therapy Riley.” Topanga said.  
“Ya…” Riley replied quietly. She was thinking about Maya more than herself right now. What was Maya going to do? How could I help her? What will happen to her if I don’t do anything? All these thoughts were racing through Riley’s head. She almost left this world; she didn’t want Maya to feel as hopeless as she did at one time. Judging from what happened in the bathroom earlier, she assumed Maya wasn’t doing as well as she said she was lately. They all talked for a little longer and then the adults left the room. They closed the door and as soon it was shut tight, the girls looked at each other.  
“What are we going to do Peaches?” Riley was on the verge of tears as she said this.  
“I don’t know. It’s another tough day in Rileytown, Riles.” Maya said. Riley started to cry. Maya had seen Riley cry a few times before. They shared everything. This time was different. She had never seen Riley this hopeless before. Maya hugged Riley and never wanted to let go.  
“We’ll take on the world Riles. We got this if we stick together.”

Riley walked nervously to her therapy appointment. She opened the door and sat down in one of the comfortable and inviting chairs in the waiting area. She looked at the colorful pictures on the wall but couldn’t focus on any of them. Riley was way too nervous. She started to hear some voices down the hall. They started to get increasingly louder and Riley assumed they were walking down the hallway towards the waiting room.   
“Probably just another client.” Riley thought to herself. There was something about one of the voices that sounded familiar. The two people rounded the corner and Riley almost had a heart attack. One person was obviously a therapist that worked there. The other person was Isadora Smackle. Riley sat up in her seat looking very surprised. She wondered why Smackle was there. She remembered that Smackle had Asperger’s Syndrome. That was probably why she was there. Riley had a small flashback of Smackle, Maya, and herself sitting in the bay window.  
“I…struggled with it.” Riley realized that Smackle was struggling with her Autism. Riley gave a small wave to Smackle and she looked as surprised to see Riley as Riley was to see her.

It was after Riley’s therapy appointment now. It went well. She just asked a lot of questions to make sure Riley was going to be safe and some other personal stuff. It was a little awkward, but Riley didn’t think that much about it. She just wanted to talk to Maya and Smackle. Riley got home and Shawn was there! At least something good happened today. That would make Maya feel better too. During supper, Maya was talking more and was acting more like herself. Shawn seemed to be enjoying his visit as well.

The time read 1:30 in the morning on Riley’s alarm clock. Maya stayed over at Riley’s house. Riley couldn’t sleep. She didn’t know why. It wasn’t just something that could be answered by a simple question like, “What’s wrong?” Every time Riley felt like “this”, it was never one thing bothering her, but more like a combination of everything clouding her mind. She decided to get out of bed and went down to the kitchen. Riley noticed her breathing was starting to quicken. Riley also had a few panic attacks before. She knew if she didn’t calm down, she would probably have an attack or something worse would happen… She reached into the fridge freezer to get a few ice cubes to put in her glass of water. She turned around and almost threw her glass in the air. Shawn was standing right there.  
“Couldn’t sleep?” Shawn questioned, but there was something in his voice that told Riley he was joking around a bit.  
“Ya… something like that…” Riley replied quietly. After all, it was around 1:30 in the morning.   
“Is Maya sleeping?”   
“Yes. She’s in my room.” Riley started to get even more anxious. She knew at this point she was probably going to have a panic attack.  
“That’s good. Ya know Riley, you have some really good friends and family.”  
“I know Uncle Shawn. You are part of our family as well.” Riley set her water down on the table. She started to scratch her arm.  
“Riley are you okay? You seem a little… I don’t know…” Shawn sounded a little curious and concerned. Riley just shrugged her shoulders a little. She was wondering if she should tell Shawn. He was basically like family to her. Riley’s breathing started to get even quicker.  
“Uncle Shawn, I should probably tell you. I, um…-“  
“Riley, I know. It’s okay. Your parents told me. I’m here for you. That’s part of the reason I came to visit tonight. I wanted to see you, your family, and Maya.” Riley was now almost violently tearing at her arm. Shawn looked down at Riley’s arm.  
“Riley. Stop! You’re hurting yourself.” Riley looked down at her mutilated arm. It was dark in the kitchen, but some light came through the bay window in the living room. Her arm was bleeding.  
“S-s-sorry… I thought I c-could s-stop. Uncle Sh-Shawn, help…” Riley could hardly breathe. She had done so well lately. Now she was plummeting down a hole of darkness, anxiety, panic, and depression. Shawn had to physically pull Riley’s hand away from her other arm.   
“Uncle Shawn…” Riley couldn’t finish her sentence. She broke down and started shaking and sobbing. She became very dizzy from hyperventilating and fell into Shawn’s arms.  
“M-M-Maya!” Riley managed to scream her name out in between short and panicked breaths. 

Maya shot up out of bed. It took a few seconds to look around and realize that she was at Riley’s house. Maya bolted out of Riley’s room and followed her distressed friend’s voice into the kitchen.  
“Oh my god! Sh-Sh-Shawn, w-w-what h-happened?”  
“I think she had a panic attack Maya. What do we do? I’ve never had one. I don’t know what it’s like. She’s your best friend. Help her.”  
“Lay her down on the couch.” Maya instructed Shawn what to do. “Riles?”  
“Smackle?” Riley was so confused. Now Maya was as well.  
“No, it’s not Smackle. It’s me, Maya. You’re okay Riley.” Riley got a bit more strength back and sat up enough to look Maya in the eyes. Shawn sat on the other side of Riley. He looked terrified and also amazed that Maya knew exactly what to do.  
“Peaches, I-I-I almost d-died…” Riley sounded beyond scared. Maya grabbed Riley and hugged her.  
“Ya Riles, but you didn’t. You are getting help now. I don’t like when you think like that.” Maya leaned towards Riley even more and whispered in her ear.  
“I don’t like it when I think like that either…” Riley and Maya looked up at each other. Both girls were a complete mess. Tears were streaming down both of their faces. They both reached towards each other for another hug.

“Ya, that night when Riley had an attack, Maya knew exactly what to do.” Shawn said as Cory, Topanga, and himself sat in the bay window in the living room. “It’s like she knew exactly how to calm her down. I never thought of it before, but now I’m really wondering how she was able to do that. I’m not doubting Maya, I just didn’t know how she stayed calm and helped Riley so quickly and expertly. It’s a good thing she knew what to do because I sure didn’t.”  
“Well Shawn, Maya and Riley are best friends. Maya knows how to help her in everything.” Topanga suggested. Nobody really believed this was it. Even Topanga knew something else was going on. It went deeper than just knowing how to help your friend.  
“She whispered something in Riley’s ear. I don’t know what she said though. It’s almost like Maya knew how it f-“ Shawn realized something big.  
“She knew how it felt…” Cory connected the dots. The three adults looked at each other in shock. Topanga suddenly realized why the girls looked at each other strange the day she found out about Riley. 

“Hey Riley!” It was Lucas. He looked super happy as he jumped through Riley’s open window.  
“Hi Lucas.” Riley tried her best to sound energetic. Having constant panic attacks really drained her energy lately.  
“I actually came to tell you something. I’m really worried.” Lucas sounded frightened for the first time in his life.  
“Um, ya, have a seat.” Riley gestured towards her window. “What’s up?” Riley was genuinely concerned.  
“It’s about Maya.” Riley felt her heart sink as soon as Lucas said Maya’s name.   
“W-w-what about M-Maya?”  
“That day she ran out of art class, I um… saw something…” Lucas stumbled on his words. “I saw um… cuts. On her arms.” He struggled to say those sentences like it was almost causing him pain.  
“Oh, um…” Riley tried her best to keep Lucas from finding out that she already knew. “I think we should all have a talk in here. Can you call Farkle and Smackle please? Tell them both to come here right now. I’ll get Maya.”  
“Ya, sure.” Lucas was a little confused that Riley wanted everyone in her room. Riley went and got Maya. Riley and Maya walked back into Riley’s room. Farkle and Smackle were just coming through the window. Riley looked at Smackle and they gave each other a polite, but awkward nod. Smackle was smart enough to know what they were going to be talking about. Riley looked at Maya.  
“Lucas knows. It’s time to be honest Maya.” Maya nodded in response. “You guys are our friends. We both have something to tell all of you.” Riley was prepared to tell their friends. Maya, on the other hand, looked a lot more fragile. Riley hoped she was going to be okay after this. She knew how hard it was.   
“I’m in therapy.” Riley blurted out. Farkle and Lucas looked at each other, and then back at Riley.  
“What? Why? Are you okay Riley?” Farkle asked.  
“Not exactly.” Riley replied. Riley looked at Maya. Riley was beginning to get a little frightened. Maya was on the verge of tears and looked terrified.  
“You ready for this?” Riley asked Maya. Maya just nodded once again.  
“When I was bullied by Missy, I couldn’t take it. It really affected me. I began to self-harm.” Riley sighed with a little bit of relief. It felt good to say it and let her friends know. Riley reached for Maya’s hand. Maya was visibly shaking. When Riley grabbed Maya’s hand, she could feel her shaking too.   
“Maya, um… also self-harms.”  
“Oh my god. I had no idea. I’m sorry for staring at you in art Maya. I was just concerned. I’m glad I know now.” Lucas was almost crying now. He felt a little guilty for not stopping Missy and also for not noticing what Maya was doing sooner.  
“I have a statement to add to this conversation.” Smackle spoke up and raised her hand in the air like she was asking a question in school. “I have been going to therapy as well. I am still struggling with Asperger’s.” Farkle held Smackle’s hand tightly as she said this.  
“It is okay dearest. I can help you. We can all help each other.” Farkle was very sympathetic. Turns out, even a genius wasn’t even able to predict what this group of friends was going to find out today.  
“I may regret this suggestion in retrospect, but I do believe that now is the correct time for what this age calls a “group hug.” Smackle tried her best to offer affection to the group. The five teens stood up and hugged. While everyone’s heads were buried in each other’s shoulders, Maya lifted her head up. She was crying and didn’t think it would stop anytime soon. She was probably going to stay over at Riley’s house for a lot longer than she thought.  
“What a rough day in Mayaville…” she thought to herself.

Riley didn’t think Maya was okay. Normally, she would at least try to act confident. Riley was starting to wonder if telling their friends was a good idea. She hoped Maya was okay with what she did. Riley knew it was hard to tell people. After all, nobody knew that Maya was self-harming. This was a big step for her. Riley knew that they would still have to tell an adult. The sad truth was Maya probably was too poor to get help. Unfortunately, the Matthews family might not be able to afford two kids going to therapy. This was too much to ask from her closest friends. It’s just too much to ask.

“What am I doing? What am I going to do? What happens now? Who else knows? Do I just end it all? No. I have to stay for Riley…” Maya thought she could handle it. She had already been getting worse lately. Now with the pressure of her friends knowing, even though they were going to help her, Maya’s thoughts were overwhelming her. There was only a limited amount of things that could stop Maya from thinking. Nothing worked. Nothing helped. Only the bad coping skills Maya had been using for so long would help her. Maya was still staying over at Riley’s house. She had been for about a week. It was like a big sleepover for the two girls. A much needed one on both parts. Maya’s mother continued working and still slept at her own house while her daughter stayed at Riley’s. Katy trusted Riley’s family to take care of Maya. They had basically been raising her for the last while anyways. Maya quietly crept to the bathroom. She knew what she was going to do next, but even after doing it so many times, it still brought tears of guilt, stupidity, and hopelessness to Maya’s eyes. Tears started flowing down her face as she slid her back down the wall of the New York apartment bathroom. She was trying to be as quiet as possible because she didn’t want someone to come looking for her or realize something was wrong and walk into the bathroom to see her doing… you know… She lifted her sleeve up to reveal the canvas of art that she would never be allowed to show anyone. She started with some brushstrokes and the only color she could use was red. Red couldn’t describe the colorful array of emotions that was consuming Maya Hart at the moment. Everything was more intense. She cried even more, still being careful not to make a noise, but a few whimpers were let out. Not because of the physical pain she was inducing, but the mental and emotional pain that weighed down on her. Maya was silently sobbing locked in a bathroom not only with herself, but with every bad memory, dream, or thought she had ever had. The worst crying is when you’re all alone with your hand over your mouth to stop from making a noise. You put your hand over your heart and pray for it to slow down. You move your hand to your stomach because it’s almost in more pain than your mind. Tears are running down your face, your body, and eventually to the ground which is the place where you think yourself and all your broken dreams should be. Maya couldn’t stop.   
“What’s one more? What’s… stopping me? Why should I stop?” Maya’s thoughts were racing. There was blood everywhere. Maya had never cried this much in her life.   
“I’m weak.”

Shawn had also been staying over at the Matthew’s apartment as well. He only planned to stay for a few nights.   
“Those girls are really great friends.” Shawn really admired how there were other people out there that had the same strong friendship that he and Cory had, and still do have.  
“Ya. They are really close. This whole grade is a pretty good group of kids. Well, except for Ms. Bradford.” Cory said.  
“Cor I’m sorry that Riley had to go through that whole bullying thing with Missy. At least her friends helped her. Maya’s pretty tough, but deep down she’s a really nice kid. A really good friend.”  
“I’m thankful that her friends helped her. Obviously, it still really affected Riley and that part is not so good, but it could have been worse if nobody caught on sooner.” Cory hated to think that her daughter could have gone as far as killing herself if nobody had found out and put a stop to it.   
“Where are the girls? I saw Riley not too long ago, but I haven’t seen Maya since breakfast.” Shawn got a horrible feeling come over him and he didn’t know why, but it obviously had something to do with Maya.  
“I don’t know. Let’s go check on them. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Maya for a while today either.” Cory and Shawn got up and went to Riley’s room. It was empty. They looked around and found a note from Riley,

I went to go buy some candy for Maya and I to share. Maya has a headache, so she stayed back here.

Shawn and Cory looked at each other. It was clear that both of them were now wondering where Maya was. They started walking towards the bathroom. As they got closer, they could hear faint, but very fast breathing mixed with episodes of crying. Inside the bathroom, Maya had started to hyperventilate. She was panicking. Shawn had never heard Maya cry before. He was becoming extremely concerned. Both men opened the door and took one step inside before almost falling over in shock. Maya was sitting on the ground. She was a complete mess. Her arm was bleeding an insane amount, she was rocking back and forth, hyperventilating, and tears were streaming down her face from crying harder than she ever had before.  
“Oh my god Cor. What do we do? Maya? W-what h-h-happened?” Shawn was in complete shock and he could hardly talk. He realized that Maya could hardly breathe; there was no way she was going to be able to talk. Maya responded by shaking even more and wildly moving her head back and forth. She thought she had locked the door. Apparently not. Shawn and Cory ran towards Maya and sat down on either side of her. Shawn immediately started to try and stop the bleeding and attempt to comfort Maya at the same time.  
“Topanga! Get in here now!” Cory yelled at the top of his lungs. Cory, Shawn, and Maya were relieved when they heard Topanga sprinting down the hallway into the bathroom.  
“What’s g- M-M-Maya…?” Topanga’s voice instantly changed from curiosity to panic as she rounded the corner to see her second “daughter” sitting on the ground surrounded in blood with tears soaking her clothes. She didn’t know how to react, but she had a feeling that Riley and Maya both had some of the same problems. Topanga raced to kneel down in front of Maya. Tears were now filling Topanga’s eyes.  
“Maya. It’s going t-to be o-okay…” Topanga held on as tight as she could to Maya’s fragile and shaking hand. Maya still couldn’t talk or breathe correctly and all she could think was, “Is it going to be okay?”

Maya Hart woke up and freaked out for a second before realizing where she was. She looked around and saw white and light blue walls all around her with curtains covering every window. Light was still able to shine through the thin blinds. Maya had slept for a long time and after waking up, the lights seemed extremely bright. Through her confusion, clouded thoughts, and after figuring out where she was, Maya saw Riley sitting on a chair against the hospital room wall. After Maya’s eyes adjusted to the light, she was able to make out more figures beside Riley. Katy was crying and shaking. Topanga stood next to Maya’s mother comforting her. Cory and Shawn were talking to each other in the corner, occasionally looking at Maya. It was clear that they were talking about Maya.   
“Maya! Oh my god. You’re awake, you’re okay.” Riley was relieved to see her best friend wake up after what she heard happened earlier.   
“Ya…um, hi Riles…” Maya said quietly and groggily as she had just woken up and was quite fragile. Riley basically ran over to the hospital bed to hug Maya. Both girls loved the feeling of when they hugged each other more than anything in the world. It helped because when they hugged, it felt like everything was right in the world. Even if it was just for a few seconds. The girls let go of each other and stared into each other’s eyes. Riley and Maya were both starting to tear up. So much had happened in the last while. Even though they were in a hospital, this was the calmest the girls had felt in a long time. Everything felt at peace, except their minds. Riley broke down as she looked at Maya’s bandaged arm. Even though it was covered up, Riley could see the outline of blood starting to seep through. She hated seeing Maya like this. It was especially hard because Riley knew almost exactly how she felt having experienced self-harm before.  
“Riley, it’s me. I’m okay for now. It’s okay…” Maya was trying to help Riley feel more relaxed. Even if she, herself, didn’t believe the words that she just said.  
“M-Maya. I-I-I should have b-been there f-for you… I should have known s-something was wr-wrong.” Riley felt like it was her fault. She was becoming angry at herself. If only she hadn’t left the house… Everything would have been okay. Topanga stepped in and put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders.  
“Riley. Listen to me. This isn’t your fault. This isn’t Maya’s fault. Nobody did this on purpose. It just something we couldn’t really control.”   
“But Mom, it is. I sh-should have t-told you s-s-sooner. It is my fault.” Riley had to let the secret out that she already knew that Maya wasn’t okay. Riley felt incredibly guilty for not telling someone sooner. Maya helped her and Riley couldn’t do the same for her best friend. She felt horrible. Now it was too late.  
“Okay, it was wrong to not tell us sooner, but everything will be okay. This isn’t entirely your fault. Sometimes, no matter what we do, we can’t control or fix everything. Riley you have to understand. People make mistakes.” Topanga didn’t know how to explain this to her daughter. It was very hard seeing Riley, and now Maya, like this. Riley just looked at her mom and nodded, but all she was thinking was, “My mistake almost cost Maya her life. Maybe even my life as well”.

“Hey mom?” Maya said with a little more energy than she had earlier.  
“Yes Maya?” Katy questioned.  
“Could you guys go in the hallway or something? I just want to talk to Riley in here for a while.”  
“Oh, of course we could…” Katy said as she looked around the room to see the rest of the people give her an agreeing look. With that, the adults all left the room.  
“Riley.”  
“Maya.” Riley ran towards Maya and hugged her as she was lying on the bed, being careful not to touch her arm.  
“I shouldn’t have left you home alone. Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this or that you were going to cut yourself?” Riley felt guilty and didn’t really know what to say to Maya.  
“Riley. For the last time. It was not your fault. It’s my own stupid fault for doing this and for not telling you I felt like that. I don’t want you to feel bad or guilty because I know that you will think about doing something to yourself as well. Please don’t. You didn’t do anything. You don’t deserve to suffer as well right now.” Riley had tears streaming down her face. Both girls were gripping each other’s hands so tight that their knuckles were turning a reddish/white color. Their hands felt cold and hot at the same time from both of them feeling so anxious. Maya had tears running down her red, hopeless, and desperate face. The tears followed the creases in the hospital robe and fell onto the bandage that was covering Maya’s fresh cuts.  
“I just don’t know what to do. How did this happen? Why?” Katy threw hers arms wildly in frustration as Topanga tried to comfort her. Katy had been crying nonstop.   
“Katy. You have to calm down. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything. You are a good mother. Maya will be okay. It might take a while, but I know that both of our girls will be okay. They will help each other.”  
“Topanga, what if they aren’t? There are so many things that could go wrong. What if… what if they, c-commit s-su-“  
“Katy! You can’t think like that. It’s not going to make it any easier on yourself or Shawn if you keep thinking that way. We all fear the worst, but all we can do is help them and hope it doesn’t happen to either one of them.” Topanga was horrified to hear Katy was thinking that Maya, or Riley, would commit suicide. Topanga could see where she was coming from though. It was hard going through everything that had happened lately. She couldn’t imagine how Riley and Maya felt.  
“Topanga, what can I do for Maya now? I can’t… I can’t, um, afford therapy for her.” Katy felt like she was a bad mother by saying this. What mother can’t even get help for their only child?  
“I was actually looking around and even though Maya won’t be able to go to therapy, there is group therapy that I think both girls should go to. It would be easier to go to because they wouldn’t be alone and I think it would be really beneficial for the both of them.” Topanga really wanted to help Katy, but paying for Maya’s therapy would just be too much. Group therapy seemed like a great option for the girls.  
“That’s a good idea. We should tell the girls when Maya is a little more, um, stable.” Katy thought things might be starting to look up. She hoped it would get better. “Thank you for everything, Topanga. You and Cory and Shawn have been super helpful.” With that, Katy hugged Topanga. Cory and Shawn soon joined in on the group hug. Katy finally felt what it was like to have good friends. She could see why Riley meant so much to Maya and why Maya meant so much to Riley.  
“You going to be okay Riles?” Maya was growing increasingly worried about Riley’s safety. She knew how dangerous it was to feel guilty.  
“Yes. I’ll… I’ll be, okay. Are you feeling better?” Riley didn’t want Maya to think she wasn’t okay. Maya had enough to worry about right now. She had to take care of herself before Riley.  
“Ya, I mean, I don’t feel great obviously, but I think I’m getting better. Slowly.” Maya honestly didn’t know what she felt. She just felt, nothing. Not even the dungeon of sadness inside of her was throbbing with pain and suffering, she was just numb. Nothing made her happy and nothing made her sad. She didn’t know what was happening.  
“Okay, I should probably go home now. See you later Maya!”   
“See you Riles.” Maya said weakly as she tried her best to wave with her scarred arm.

Riley stormed into her apartment with so many thoughts circling her brain. It was causing a whirlwind inside of her and the thoughts were quickly tying up her mind as they turned into an unescapable chain; cutting of any positive thoughts trying to get through her troubled state of mind. She didn’t want to disappoint Maya. She felt like she was betraying her, but that was easier to deal with than the guilt that was consuming her. She didn’t think seeing Maya like that would affect her that much. It scared Riley to see her that vulnerable and broken. It was all her fault. If Riley told an adult sooner maybe Maya would be okay. If Riley didn’t leave to get her water bottle when Maya was in the bathroom, Maya wouldn’t have cut herself in the first place. Riley shouldn’t have left Maya alone in the bathroom or when she went to the store. So many “what ifs” were circling Riley’s head. What if she did one thing differently? Would Maya be dead or alive? Would Riley be dead or alive? Riley ran to her room on a mission, raging with anger at herself and full of guilt. She went to the bay window and pulled up the cushion to reveal her prized razor blade. She felt like she had to do this for Maya, even though Maya made sure that Riley wasn’t going to hurt herself. Riley had to release the guilt she was feeling in some way. She didn’t know any other ways besides what she had been doing since Missy’s bullying became too much. Riley pulled down her pants and began to cut her thighs. It was easier to cut her legs instead of her arms because it was far easier to hide. When you are a self-harmer, the sad but true fact is, you become extremely good at lying about anything. Nobody is able to figure anything out about you. You have so many secrets to keep that you just get used of hiding everything. Most of the time, this isn’t good in the end. So much guilt builds up inside of you. It’s like you’re a soda bottle. You can be shaken so many times before the one extra shake will make you explode and go over the top. This is what was happening to Riley. Riley was hysterical. She was rocking back and forth. Every time she rocked backwards, she hit her back on her bed. It hurt but she didn’t care. She felt like she deserved the pain. Riley had tears falling off her face that were now soaking the ground around her. She heard footsteps coming down the hallway towards her room. Riley immediately panicked and tried her best to clean up what she could in the few seconds she was given. Her heart beat increased greatly as she scrambled to hide the razor, clean up the floor, and get rid of the blood. It was too late. Katy Hart walked into the room not expecting to see this.  
“Hey Riley, you left this at the h-“ Katy stopped in her tracks and dropped the phone she came to return to Riley. What sat in front of her was Riley with her face almost bright red with tears still running down her face and her pants halfway up to reveal red lines and drops of blood running down her leg and staining her pants to match her shocked face.  
“Riley…” Katy had no idea what to do. Eventually, after to adjusting to what she was seeing, she ran towards Riley and dropped to her knees on the floor in grief. She was cleaning up the blood with a towel in one hand and was stroking Riley’s hair with the other.  
“It will be okay baby girl; you two are t-tough. I know you w-will g-get through th-this.” Riley had her head rested on Katy’s shoulder. In between sobs, she was attempting to say something.   
“I-i-it’s m-my… f-fault. I-I sh-should have b-been th-there f-f-for her.”  
“Riley, you need to calm down. You are g-going to p-pass out.” Riley tried her best to regain control of her fast breathing. “I didn’t realize that this is what you and M-Maya are going through…” Katy was still in shock and had no idea how much pain the girls were hiding from everyone. They even hid it from each other in the beginning.  
“I have to call your parents. They are at the store with Auggie right?” Katy looked at Riley for a response. Riley could only nod in embarrassment. Katy started to leave the room to get her phone out of her purse when Riley spoke up.  
“K-Katy?”  
“Oh, yes Riley?”  
“Th-thank you…”  
“No p-problem.” Katy continued to leave the room until she disappeared from Riley’s sight.

Riley woke up in a room that looked familiar. She was in the hospital as well. Nobody tells you how exhausting it is to hurt yourself, hate yourself, panic, and be depressed all at the same time. Both girls had slept better in this hospital than they had in a long time. Riley rolled over and winced from the pain that her thighs were put in when she moved. She suddenly became a lot happier when she saw that Maya was beside her.  
“Maya!” Just saying her name was enough to make Riley almost cry.  
“Riles. Welcome back.” Maya tried her best to lessen the sadness in the room by making a joke. She was successful as Riley smiled back in return. Not a big smile, but it was enough to make Maya think that everything was okay for a few seconds. Riley looked around the room a bit more and saw her parents and Maya’s parents talking out in the hallway to Riley’s therapist. She figured that her therapist was going to get involved in this at one point or another.  
“Maya, how have you been doing?”  
“I’ve been feeling a little better, but my arm is the only thing that still hurts a lot.” Maya and Riley both looked to Maya’s bandaged arm at the same time. It was still wrapped up pretty well and Riley could see faint lines of red soaking through along with parts of the bandage being raised a little; hinting to Riley that those were previous scars that were showing through the bandage.  
“Riles, how are you doing?” Maya sounded genuinely concerned because only the other day she begged Riley not to do this to herself.  
“It hurts when I move around but that’s about it.” Riley felt ashamed of herself because she had a feeling she knew what question would be asked next.  
“Riley, why did you do this? I told you not to and none of this is your fault.”  
“I don’t know. I just love you so much that I felt responsible for everything that happened.”  
“Riles, I love you too.”  
“Peaches, I feel like a bad friend. I feel annoying. You helped me and you told my parents. I wish I could have done the same for you. I spent too much time telling you about myself and complaining about how I was doing that I forgot about you. It is my fault. And, I’m sorry…”  
“Riley. You need to stop taking the blame for this. I feel just as bad that I wasn’t able to help you as much as I felt I needed to. I have my own regrets about everything that happened. I wish that I would have helped you more as well. It was stupid of me to think that you weren’t going to do anything to yourself. I should have known and I should have told your parents or somebody to watch you. I’m sorry too.”  
“Maya, I would hug you right now, but I can’t really move to well.”  
“That’s okay. I was just thinking the same thing. Maya got out of her hospital bed and leaned over Riley’s body to hug her.  
“I love you Riley.”  
“I love you too Maya.”

Smackle, Farkle, and Lucas came to the hospital to visit after Cory told them what happened over the last few days.   
“Hi guys.” Farkle was the first to walk into the hospital room. Smackle followed Farkle and Lucas wasn’t too far behind her. Farkle and Smackle sat at the end of Riley’s bed. Maya was feeling well, so she came and sat on Riley’s bed. Lucas came up to the side of the bed and gave Maya a package of paintbrushes that she had been wanting. Lucas walked to the other side of the bed and gave Riley a package of cat stickers and a purple marker. Riley smiled and admired his creativity to give her the opportunity to make more purple cats.  
“You guys feeling a little better at least?” Lucas said.  
“Yes. Thanks for the gifts.” Maya said.  
“I’m doing okay I guess. Thanks for the purple cats.” Riley said. Everyone laughed a little bit.  
“Sorry, but I have to go now. I already had plans to go visit my relatives. That’s why I gave you the gifts now instead of later. I’ll try to come visit you guys after I’m done. Either tonight or tomorrow.” Lucas said.  
“Oh, ya that’s fine.” Riley said. “See you later Lucas!”  
“Bye.” Lucas said as he hugged each of the girls. He left the room but not before turning around one last time to wave to his friends.   
“Ya, we only came by for a little bit. We didn’t have a lot of time, but we wanted to all come visit at the same time.” Farkle said after Lucas had left the room.  
“So… are you actually doing pretty well? You guys actually okay?” Smackle was still skeptical of the fact that Riley and Maya were okay. After all, she knew the most about what was happening.  
“Yes Smackle. We are actually doing a little better.” Maya said reassuringly.   
“That’s good. Did your parents tell you about that support group?” Smackle inquired. Topanga had told the girls about this support group that met together once a week. Both girls didn’t really want to go, but they knew it was for the best so they were going to start going after they recovered more. “I thought you two should know that I go to it. For my Asperger’s. A lot of people go there for all sorts of things. It’s not that bad once you start talking a bit.”  
“Okay. Thanks Smackle. We were thinking about going already. Knowing you’re going to be there makes it more comfortable for us.” Riley said.  
“Ya, we are going to start going there. Probably when we get out of this place.” Maya said as she gestured around the room.  
“Ya…” Riley agreed sadly. She wanted to get out of the hospital, but it was also so peaceful that she didn’t know if she was ready to go back into the “real world”. At least Maya probably felt the same way. It was incredible having a friend that stuck with you through thick and thin, even though they weren’t in the ideal situation at the moment.  
“It was nice talking to you guys. We should probably get going now.” Farkle said as he looked at Smackle.   
“Ya. I guess I’ll see you two another time?” Smackle said.  
“Definitely.” Riley replied.

Maya and Riley were a little nervous. It was their first time going to group therapy and Maya’s first time ever going to therapy in general.  
“Bye girls, I’ll pick you up when it’s over. Try to help each other.” Katy said. Katy decided that she wanted to take the girls there for their first time. Topanga, Cory, Katy, and even Shawn were going to take turns driving the girls to the support group.  
“Bye mom.” Maya said.  
“Thanks Mrs. Hart!” Riley said as both girls waved and walked towards the building.   
“What do you think it’s going to be like?” Riley said.  
“I have no idea. At least Smackle will be there. It didn’t sound too scary when she talked about it.” Maya honestly had no idea what to expect. She didn’t even know who was going to be there besides Smackle and Riley. Maya’s arm was almost fully healed. She kept a few bandages on her arm on some of the bigger cuts that hadn’t healed yet, but besides that, she was doing fairly well given what had happened. Of course, she still wore long sleeves today. Riley wore long pants for the same reason. Her injuries were still taking a long time to heal. She was mostly okay but still in a small amount of pain if she moved too much. A lot of the cuts were healed, most of them were from before, but Riley, like Maya, had to wear a few bandages on the larger cuts that could re-open at any time.  
“You ready Riles?” Maya asked. Her adventurous and curious side was slowly coming out. Riley nodded and Maya opened the door. The girls were told where to go and they entered the support group room. It wasn’t anything like the girls expected. It was a medium sized well lit room. There were about fifteen chairs in a large circle with a comfortable distance between each chair. There was a table at the side of the room with a platter of pretzels on it with a water fountain to the left of the table. Not everyone was there, but there were already about ten people there. Riley spotted Smackle and started to walk in her direction.  
“Hey Smackle!”  
“Hi Riley. Hi Maya.” Smackle leaned in to awkwardly hug both of the girls.  
“So… Smackle, how does this place work?” Maya asked.  
“Oh, ya. Once everyone is here, we have about five minutes to walk around and talk, eat a snack, and then find a seat.”  
“That’s it?” Riley said.  
“Well ya, until we sit down. Then the leader of this group talks for a bit. We go around the circle and say our name, age, and a brief explanation on why we are here. Then later if people want to share, they can go more in depth on their story and just talk about everything and get it out. Then at the end of the meeting, we have another five or ten minutes to walk around and talk and eat again. Most people use that time to just kinda “cool down” after talking about so much personal stuff. A lot of people also just leave as soon as the meeting is over.”  
“Okay thanks Smackle. Does it matter where we sit?” Riley asked.  
“No, you can sit wherever you want with whoever you want.” Smackle explained.  
“Should we sit down right now?” Maya asked.  
“Yes. The meeting is probably going to start soon.” Smackle advised. The three girls took their seats. Riley and Maya sat next to each other and Smackle sat beside Maya. The door opened and Riley thought it was going to be the support group leader. Riley was about to fall off her chair when she saw who it was. Missy Bradford just walked in the door. Maya saw as well and looked at Riley to see her reaction. Riley and Maya looked at each other.   
“You okay?” Maya whispered. Riley nodded back in shock. What was Missy doing here? Missy looked over at the three girls and looked a little surprised herself. Smackle looked at Riley and Maya’s odd expressions.  
“What is it?” Smackle said very confused.  
“Missy Bradford is here.” Riley said still in a trance.  
“Yes…and…?” Smackle had no idea about what Missy did to Riley. Smackle had only recently joined their school.  
“Missy bullied Riley. She’s the reason Riley’s here right now.” Maya answered for Riley because Riley was completely zoned out. Smackle caught on fast after she realized that Missy bullying Riley was what caused Riley to self-harm.  
“Oh… I didn’t know that you knew her. I only came to your school this year. I didn’t know that she did that. I’m sorry Riley.” Smackle felt bad that she had convinced the girls that support group would be a good option. This may be a problem now.  
“It’s fine Smackle. You didn’t know. It’ll be okay. I’m just wondering why she’s here.” Riley was less surprised now and more confused. Missy walked right over to the girls and sat beside Smackle.  
“Hey Smackle!” Missy said as she waved at Smackle. Riley was surprised at how friendly Missy was.  
“Hi Missy. I heard you know Riley and Maya…”  
“Ya. I do.” Missy waved shyly at the two girls. Riley and Maya waved back hoping that Missy wasn’t just acting nice. This was a completely different person compared to the Missy that Riley previously knew. The door creaked open again and this time, a woman walked into the room that Riley and Maya assumed was the group leader.  
“If everyone could sit down we are going to get started now.” The woman said. Everyone got seated and focused their attention towards the group leader. “I see that we may have a few new people…” The woman looked around the room, and then directed her gaze at Riley and Maya. “For those of you who don’t know me, I am Joelle Reed. I am the coordinator of this support group and also a therapist. There are a few rules here. Don’t judge or be mean to anyone and you have to participate in some way during every meeting. Even if that means only saying your name. I guess we will get started. We are going to go around the circle. When I get to you, say your name, age, and tell us a bit about why you came here. Okay?” Everyone in room nodded silently. “Let’s start with you.” Joelle looked at a boy beside her. The introductions went on and on. Riley kept thinking how you wouldn’t even know what some of the people were struggling with. Everyone kept it hidden very well. It was almost a surprise when they said why they were at the support group. Riley would have never known if they didn’t say what they were struggling with. Riley realized that her parents, Maya, and Maya’s parents probably felt the same way. Riley never said anything so they never thought anything was wrong. She became good at hiding it, until she wasn’t. That was when Maya found out. Maya was thinking exactly the same thing except she kept everything hidden until Lucas and Riley found out. It was so much easier not to hide anything, but there was so much more pressure not to cut when people knew what was going on. The guilt was multiplied by one hundred when you cut and people knew you did instead of hurting yourself and hiding it. Everyone continued introducing themselves and then it was Missy’s turn. Riley stopped thinking about everything else and focused on what Missy had to say.   
“Hello. I’m Missy Bradford. I’m fourteen years old. I’m here, because um, my parents are divorced, and it’s really making me miserable and it’s hard. I started being mean to this one girl in particular because it was too much for me to handle.” Riley couldn’t believe that Missy wasn’t “perfect” like everyone thought. She seemed so confident and even though she was mean, Riley didn’t think anything was bothering her. This was really surprising news. Maya shot Riley a look that said, “I can’t believe what I just heard…” Maya and Riley were not expecting Missy to be this vulnerable. Next, it was Smackle’s turn.  
“Hi, I’m Isadora but everyone calls me Smackle. I’m fourteen and I’m here because I’m struggling with Asperger’s Syndrome, which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder.” Smackle sounded confident like she had recited that a million times before. Maya and Riley were becoming very anxious about introducing themselves. A few self-harmers and people who had been bullied already introduced themselves. That made a little easier to talk in front of everybody because Riley and Maya felt more open and accepted. It was Maya’s turn. She started to talk and Riley hardly recognized her voice. Maya sounded like a different person. She also sounded like she was on the verge of tears.  
“I’m Maya Hart. I’m f-fifteen years old. I’m here b-because I s-self-harm.” Maya finished talking, let out a relieved sigh of air, and sunk down into her chair. She looked at Riley. Riley could tell she was very uncomfortable but Riley was proud that Maya was able to be so open to some complete strangers. Riley took a deep breath and started to talk.  
“Hi, I’m Riley Matthews. I’m fourteen. I came here because I was b-bullied very badly and I s-self-harm…” Missy looked at Riley with eyes of regret. Riley knew Missy felt guilty and Riley also knew that guilt was a dangerous feeling. Riley was going to talk to Missy afterwards. Missy seemed like a completely different person. She was actually approachable. The introductions finished shortly after Riley introduced herself. Joelle talked for a while longer about how to accept yourself and how it was okay to ask for help. She was talking about an array of other things, but Riley and Maya were completely zoned out. They weren’t even listening. Joelle’s voice was almost like background music to them. Both girls just sat there thinking until the end of the meeting.  
“Okay!” Joelle said clapping her hands. “Looks like everyone got to meet each other today. The meeting is over. You can go home, walk around and talk with other people here, eat what’s left of the snack on the table, and if you have any questions, come talk to me. You have about eight minutes left” The group split up with some people going home, some people went over to the snack table, most people just walked around and talked.   
“I have to go home right now. Farkle is coming over to hang out. I’ll see you guys later.” Smackle said.  
“Okay, see you another time Smackle.” Riley said. “Maya, I’m going to go talk to Missy for a second. I’ll be back soon.”  
“That’s fine. I’ll just be standing around here.” Maya said. Riley walked over towards the corner by the snack table where Missy was.  
“Hey, Missy…” Riley said nervously.  
“Hi Riley. I wanted to talk to you too if that’s what you were wondering.” Missy responded.  
“Ya, I wanted to talk to you. What did you want to say?” Riley said curiously.  
“Did you self-harm because I was bullying you?” Missy said as she lowered her voice to a whisper.  
“Yes, but now I see why you were being mean. A divorce is a lot to deal with and go through. It’s not entirely your fault Missy.” Riley told Missy the truth but was also trying to be as nice as possible at the same time.  
“Okay I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I knew it was wrong but I wasn’t thinking straight when I was bullying you. I hope we can be friends now that we understand what’s going one with each other.” Missy said apologetically.   
“I think that sounds good. I appreciate your apology Missy. I hope we can be friends too.” Riley thought this was the new start of a new friendship.  
Maya was just pacing back and forth waiting for Riley to come back. Joelle walked up to Maya and Maya looked up.  
“Hello. You’re Maya Hart right?” Joelle said.  
“Yes. That’s me.” Maya said not knowing what to expect next.  
“You’re new here and I just wanted to tell you that you can come talk to me about anything you’d like. Tell your friend that she can come to me any time as well. It’s okay to ask for help.” Joelle said. She was extremely friendly.  
“Yes. Of course. Thank you.” Maya replied.   
“Everything gets better.” Joelle patted Maya on the back and walked away.  
“Everything gets better…” Maya, for once in her life, had hope. 

Maya and Riley were walking back to Maya’s mother’s car.  
“How’d it go with Missy?” Maya asked curiously.  
“It was really good. She apologized and said she would like to maybe be friends. She is like a completely different person. She’s really nice.” Riley said.  
“That’s good. I was thinking the same thing. It’s so weird how she is completely different from before.” Maya was kind of impressed with how Missy was being a friend towards them now. The girls almost reached the car when Maya remembered what Joelle had told her.  
“Oh! Riles, I almost forgot. Joelle said that she wanted me to tell you that if you ever wanted to talk to her about anything you can. She wanted you to know it’s okay to ask for help.”  
“Okay, thanks Maya. You want to stay over tonight?” Riley offered.  
“Um, of course!” Maya said. Maya jumped on Riley’s back for a piggyback ride to the car. The girls sat down in the backseat of the car still laughing.  
“I would say it went pretty well?” Katy joked.  
“Ya, I think so…” Maya said as she looked over at Riley.  
“Everything gets better…”

Maya and Riley had been going to the group therapy sessions for the last few weeks. Maya had been having a lot of sleepovers at Riley’s apartment. Riley could tell that the group therapy was helping. She had been able to sleep a lot more lately. It really helped because Riley was used of the feeling of being exhausted for weeks on end. She finally felt okay. That was saying a lot. Riley’s legs had healed. There were only two or three cuts that were still more red than scarred. Maya’s arm was completely scarred over and healed. The girls were going to their weekly group therapy session. This time, Cory drove them there. The meeting went fine. It was almost the same thing every time they went. The girls talked with Smackle before the start of the meeting. The introductions were getting easier and easier to do each time. Riley and Maya were becoming more comfortable with sharing their story. Both girls could honestly say that they felt quite “normal” if there was such a thing. That meeting, Missy wasn’t there. She was a lot quieter in the meetings leading up to this one, but now she wasn’t even there at all. At the end of the meeting, Riley, Maya, and Smackle walked over to Joelle to find out if she knew anything about where Missy was.  
“Hey, Joelle?” Maya said.  
“Yes Maya?” Joelle said.  
“Do you know where Missy is? She wasn’t here today and we were wondering if you knew anything about where she was.” Riley asked.  
“Actually… I do know what happened. You three are her closest friends. I have something to tell you. Is it okay if you stay a bit later today?” Joelle said. Joelle didn’t seem like herself when she said this. Riley had a horrible feeling come over her. She didn’t know what happened to Missy, but Riley didn’t think it was good. Everyone had eventually left the building to go home. Maya and Smackle started to get uncomfortable. They both knew they were about to get some bad news.  
“How about you three take a seat.” Joelle gestured towards some of the chairs that were part of the circle previously. Smackle, Maya, and Riley sat down in front of Joelle’s chair.  
“Your friend Missy Bradford was not here today, because the divorce really got to her. Some other things were really bothering her and everything combined, um just made it too hard on her. Missy, um… Missy committed suicide last night.” Joelle looked like she was in pain as she said this.   
“Oh my…” Maya was speechless. She didn’t know what to do or say. Smackle just sat there and started crying. Her Autism may have made it hard to understand emotion, but it was clear that Smackle was very close to Missy. Close enough to make Smackle cry.  
“I don’t understand h-how this h-happened.” Riley was in shock like Maya. Riley started to shake, but she knew it wasn’t from a panic attack. Riley kept shaking because all she heard in the back of her mind was Missy’s voice.   
“Okay I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I knew it was wrong but I wasn’t thinking straight when I was bullying you. I hope we can be friends now that we understand what’s going on with each other...”  
Riley, Maya, and Smackle missed out on a great person. Now it was too late. All Missy needed was a friend. 

Riley and Maya instantly felt guilty after getting over the shock of Missy’s suicide. Both girls honestly felt like cutting right now. The only thing stopping them was the fact the group therapy made them stronger and they had to stay strong for Missy. They weren’t going to self-harm. They couldn’t.   
“Stay strong for Missy… Stay strong for Missy…”  
Riley and Maya repeated this in their heads as they rocked back and forth. All three girls were crying. Maya was hugging Smackle and Smackle was not only receiving the hug, but was actually hugging Maya back. Riley was still slightly shaking and was holding Maya’s cold hand.  
“It’s going to be okay girls.” Joelle tried her best to comfort the heartbroken friends.

Riley stood up with Maya on one side of her and Smackle on the other. All three girls were trying their best to not cry, but a few tears escaped their eyes. Mr. Matthews sat in the crowd with Joelle, Missy’s family members, Katy, Shawn, Topanga, and some of the other teachers. Even though this was a sad occasion, he couldn’t help but feel proud that even after the bullying, Riley went on to talk about how great Missy was at her funeral.  
“Missy Bradford. Those were the only words that could actually describe Missy. Her name was the only thing that could define her and others knew not to tell her otherwise…”


End file.
